Asking for help does not come naturally to me.
I’d like to think I have it all together. Or at least I like for it to appear that way. So when someone asks, “Is there something I can do to help you out?” and I breezily reply, “Oh, no, I’ve got it, thanks,” I am hopeful it may actually seem as though I really do have it all together!
Nothing can be farther from the truth. I can always use some help. Pride and stubbornness prevent me from admitting that freely, I guess, and just asking.
Last week, as I prepared for the upcoming foot surgery, I knew I would be okay. The Husband would take excellent care of me. He would also take good care of the children. But I wondered: who will take care of The Husband? I mean, I know there are times when one of us carries a greater share than the other and that’s just the way it is…but I determined I would do what I could to help him out.
And so I turned to my network of girlfriends. I humbly asked if they would each be willing to feed my family one meal during my recovery period. To my surprise, each friend enthusiastically agreed, and we set up a schedule of meal deliveries.
It wasn’t easy to for me ask, and I tried not to feel bad doing so. These women are my friends and of course I would help them if they asked me, right? In an instant, with a glad heart! I recognized they very much wanted to help me and my family, and I am grateful I asked.
The meals have truly benefited the entire family–The Husband most especially. I know he appreciates not having to figure out what to make for dinner after a day of corralling the kids and waiting on me hand-and-foot. And an added bonus: visiting with these friends for a short while when they drop off their meals has been a great way for us to have a little bit of unexpected catch-up time.
I know the next time I need help with something, I’ll probably still balk and hesitate to ask, but maybe I won’t be quite as stubborn and prideful. I hope I remember what a blessing it was go-round with having a little extra help.
Aw, what wonderful friends you have! That’s wonderful
I, too, have trouble asking others for help…!
I know exactly how you feel! I felt the same way! (And I also felt guilty that I couldn’t bring you a meal with my surgery being the same week.) But we have to accept that friends really do want to help and it’s okay to accept their help. Like you, I’ve found it has been such a blessing to have friends help out in this way. When I’m the one making a meal for a friend, I know I don’t feel put out, I feel honored to help, so why do we feel so awkward about letting people know when we need their help?
Hardships in life are a way of reminding us who our friends are I guess!
This is one thing I appreciate about our neighborhood moms’ group — Family meals for new babies or illness or family losses. I think the fact that the system is already set up makes it easier to ask. It really feels like a pay it forward sort of thing once meals have been provided for you and you’ve provided meals for others. This sort of helping is what community is for, I think.
I am queen of not asking for help—I am horrible horrible! I am so glad that you had a network to support you–and that you were brave enough to ask. Most of all, I hope you are recovering comfortably.
I have a friend with 18 month old triplets, who seems quite comfortable with asking for and accepting help, as she should. I don’t fault her for asking, and I’m eager to help out however I can, yet I have a hard time forcing myself to ask for assistance. I’ve sometimes wondered what it takes to push me over that line.