Wife and Mommy

Just the right size originally published April 22, 2009, on DC Metro Moms.

Do you tell your child he/she is brilliant?  Beautiful or wonderful or splendid or <<insert accolade here>>?

I don’t say these things to my kids a whole lot.  It’s not that I think they aren’t…because of course they are gorgeous and smart and witty and incredible.  That’s just the honest truth.  The end.

Seriously.  I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently.  Humility is an attribute I value greatly in people and is something I want to foster in my three kids…especially since it seems my children are told often they are <<<pick a compliment>>> by relatives, their teachers, acquaintances, and complete strangers.  I’m so glad to see others recognize these absolute truths about my amazing kids.  Still, I’d be disappointed if my children grew big heads even if what they are being told is spot on.

Arrogance is a real turn-off to me, so I am careful to give praise only if it’s genuinely merited.  I don’t have a problem telling my kid that a craft they’ve done is awesome when it is, in fact, awesome.  When they bring home a piece of crap, or work that I suspect was done mostly by the teacher, I don’t say much.

So will my kids feel inadequate because I don’t give out praise and compliments excessively?  I certainly hope not.  Nor do I want be like my own parents who used to ask what happened to the other 2 points when I would come home with a test score of 98%.  I just don’t want to be the bad guy trying to balance my kids before they become too big for their britches.

I hope instead my kids will understand the value of truthful compliments and that not everything they do is worthy of praise.  I hope to teach them that super accomplishments don’t necessarily grant them automatic entry into theJustice League. And I hope they will always know that I think they are Truly Amazing.

Finding the middle road of raising kids that have just the right size ego is proving difficult.  I hope I figure it out before their heads burst…or before they end up feeling totally worthless.

Tags: DC Metro Moms