I have a confession to make: I struggle with jealousy.
Not jealousy like jealous of The Husband’s ex-girlfriend or cute female co-workers. Not jealous like jealous of my friends who seem to have better jobs, bigger houses, or prettier yards.
No, not that kind of jealousy.
I am jealous of friends who have extended family that live nearby. Because it seems that my friends who have local extended family usually have willing (and mostly free) babysitters. Those same friends also have someplace to go on major and minor holidays, and for birthdays, BBQs, and random Sunday dinners.
Oh sure. These friends tell me it’s not always easy having family nearby. They gripe that they are expected to be present at all family functions because they live locally. They say their (nuclear family’s) business seeps into the extended family’s view and is up for comments and opinion. They groan that celebrations aren’t always at their convenience and can cause more headache than it’s worth.
I don’t want to minimize anyone’s complaints, and I realize some may view the grass as greener on my side of the fence. But it’s my blog and my pity party! So to those with local extended family who complain, I say, “Bah! Appreciate what you’ve got.”
I am jealous when I am scrambling to find a babysitter for some function, and a friend tells me, “My sister is going to watch my children so we can go,” or “My kids are going to spend the night at my parents’ house that night.” I get jealous when a holiday rolls around, and despite my best efforts to invite people over to celebrate, it ends up being just the five of us. It’s even tougher when I’m asked afterwards, “What’d you do for the holiday?” I can only shrug and say it was a quiet celebration.
This is not how I would choose for things to be. I would love to have family members around who are jockeying for the chance to keep my kids! I’d prefer to have loud, raucous family parties, and cousins who whisk my children away to play with them. I’d like to be able to stay up-to-date with the extended family face-to-face, instead of getting long updates every few weeks via telephone.
Alas, that is not how my life is currently fashioned. The Husband’s family lives in the Midwest where he was born, raised and escaped from, and my family is scattered far and wide across this country and overseas. We do what we can to keep things as tightly knit as possible, but I sure would like to have local family to make things easier. I want that for me and The Husband, I want that for my kids.
I have that same jealousy. My sister does live nearby, and her in-laws adopt me for the major holidays, but it’s there for another reason. I wish that my boys had a grandma or grandpa nearby that can do things, like take them to the zoo, every once in a while. That’s my jealousy. I’m jealous of the bonding time other kids get.
Kate sucks
Sorry to hear that. We live near our parents, but not near our sibs. It would be so fun for the kids to have their cousins nearby.
.-= Asianmommy´s last blog ..Bedroom & Bathroom (Mandarin) =-.
I hear you! Most of my friends have their parents nearby, and have free babysitters. We haven’t had a date night in 5 months! Costs too much for a babysitter. We just started swapping with another couple whose parents don’t live nearby, so hopefully we can go out to dinner once in a while without needing to take out a 2nd mortgage to pay for the sitter and the night out.
Nodding. We’re lucky to have nearby, involved grandparents, but my kids don’t have the same cousin relationships I had growing up. Holidays spent with just our nuclear family feel sleepy and empty…whatever my gripes about my extended family.
Here’s an idea! Move to the Midwest! You might be surprised by how much you’d love it here. Move an hour or so away from your ILs (so they’re not *too* close), and then drool over the cheap (relatively speaking) real estate.
I feel the same way! Yes, my sister lives close but she has to be “in the mood” to babysit the kids. I hate to use up her babysitting moods for dates when I might need them for work.
I’m sorry you don’t live closer, we could definitely swap babysitting! I miss you IRL too. I hope we see each other soon.
.-= Thien-Kim´s last blog ..Winner of Mixed: Portrait of Multiracial Kids =-.
Oh that Jill – she’s a funny one!
I’ll agree, that nine times out of ten it’s fantastic having my family nearby. Maybe even nine point five out of ten. We couldn’t do everything we do if we didn’t have help. The only thing is, since we do need them to help out so often (I am NOT taking the boys car shopping, and we can’t renovate the house or yard with the boys around) that we don’t ask them to help just when we want them to.
We don’t do date nights, because we don’t want to overburden. I really appreciate that my mom offers to pick up A for soccer… except she tells me that she can, so I sign up, then I find out for three out of eight weeks she can’t. So now I need to leave work early three weeks in a row, which pisses my boss off and which I wouldn’t have signed up for had I known.
Not to mention the fact that when you live nearby you are always In The Drama. And boy, do we have drama.
All that aside, I am lucky and blessed to have my family near me. One of my disappointments is that we haven’t really managed to make any “couple friends” – friends or neighbors or anyone to just hang out with and have a BBQ on Memorial Day. Were it not for the family, I don’t know what we’d do. Of course, hanging with the family comes with the positives (lots of close relationships) as well as the negatives (my parents feel free to criticize often and openly), but I don’t know how we’d manage without.
I totally get what you’re saying. But, at least you have parents and in-laws.
My mom passed 3 months before my first was born. My dad and in-laws died within the last 2 years. I get angry when all the other kids in my children’s classes have grandmas and grandpas who show up at school functions. Not to mention my friends who have parents/in-laws visiting for the holidays, or whom they visit.
I’m so greatful for the time I had with my folks, but am awfully bitter about them not being here to share in their grandchildren’s lives.
OK. Enough of my pity party on your blog. Thanks for listening.