Whoops. Apparently I forgot to post this last night for NaBloPoMo (my hatred for that word grows every time I use it). It was all it written…I was just too fried yesterday to remember to put it in my blog!
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I’m known to tell my children that I am The Giver of Life-after all, they grew inside my body for nine-ish months, then allowed passage through my privates to be borne into this world. After that, my body sustained their young lives as I fed them from my body for months (since none of them would reliably take a bottle).
Five years ago this month, I gave birth to my oldest child. Bito was born in a small birthing center in Japan, thousands of miles away from here. I became a mother that day! I was in such shock that I didn’t realize what was happening and how my life would change. I mean, sure, I knew I’d been pregnant and now had a newborn by my side. I was prepared with impossibly small clothes and all the baby gear given to me at various showers. And I knew The Husband and I would be responsible for this new life for at least 18 years, but probably more.
Being a mother has been much more than just the surviving Bito’s babyhood, which is all I focused on for those first few months. As sweet as that baby stage was for us (Bito was an incredibly easy baby), watching him grow has been much more delightful. Seeing a whole person develop from that small big bundle of joy that was laid on my lap the moment he was born has been such a blessing.
In five years, I’ve learned to appreciate small things. Bito’s small fingers tucked into my palm. His quiet, even breathing as he sleeps is such a comfort (and a relief!) to me each evening. How I can see in his face my own expressions. The wonder of watching anthills or collecting pebbles with him. All these things make me look forward to all that is to come (well, maybe not all!).
I never knew how much my heart would soar when Bito unexpectedly says, “Thanks Mommy!” for taking him to someplace fun. I never knew that I would tear up after seeing him tenderly comforting his baby sister. I didn’t know that seeing another child rebuff my son’s friendly advances would make me want to throttle them. I never knew that watching my son’s development falter would leave me questioning exactly how and when I failed my son.
Seeing him hit milestones means he’s become less and less dependent on me. No longer does he need The Giver of Life. I just hope he still wants me around.
Hmm..I like this post. With my daughter just turning two, she’s still pretty dependent on me. So I relish the days when she’s into Dad more than me! But I know there will come a day when I’ll wake up and think, “Where did my little baby go?”