Wife and Mommy

…but would like to.

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Dear Bito,

I realize that having cold feet when you awaken can be a bit disturbing.  I also know that the bathroom light being turned off when Mommy and Daddy go to bed traumatizes you.  And no, I am not going to turn on the fan in your room when it’s 20 degrees outside.  All these things are real issues to your five year old brain, so I am willing to work with you on this for a short while (a very short while).  However, I must ask:  do you have to scream so loudly that you wake up your entire family in the middle of the night for these perceived sins against your slumber?

Signed,
Your tired, zombie-like mother

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Dear Husband,

I know you wake at some ungodly hour of the morning to get to work.  But could you please not set two different alarms, knowing you will shut one off to wait for the second, and then hit snooze repeatedly?  Because after being awake with your firstborn (see letter to Bito), hearing your alarms twelve different times puts me over the edge.

Signed,
Your tired, zombie-like wife

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Dear Cupcake,

Yes you can.  Quit saying you need help for tasks that you can clearly do and have done recently.  You’re not fooling anyone with this helpless act.

Signed,
Your mother who is tired of doing everything for you

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Dear J-Dog,

Please do not bolt to the front door as soon as we open it.  The two border collies two doors down are not sitting in the yard waiting for you to come out and play, despite what you may think.  Furthermore, you’ve been trained to not rush to us as we are coming inside, arms loaded down with a zillion things.  I don’t like tripping on you and you won’t get to go outside at that point anyway.

Signed,
Your faithful owner

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Dear BabyMuffin,

If you want to continue nursing, fine.  But you may not bite, nibble or chomp.  That HURTS and is not funny.  Quit laughing when I shriek.  Also, if we are someplace other than the glider in your nursery, you can STILL NURSE.  

Signed,
Your mommy who will wean you if you keep up this nonsense

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Dear Self,

It’s not so difficult to purchase coffee and maple syrup.  Put those items on the list and actually take the list with you to the grocery store.  This will prevent you from wandering around aimlessly, waiting to remember what it is you needed to buy.  This will also prevent unnecessary purchases like Spanish olives and chocolate eclairs.

Signed,
Me