“Mommy, someone was being mean to me today,” Cupcake announced as we were driving home one day recently. I had had a weekday function at our church, and Cupcake had been in the childcare setting they provided.
“Oh? What happened? Who was it?” I inquired casually.
“Um, I don’t know her name. She and another girl were saying I’m a baby and that they aren’t babies. But then later she said we could be friends,” Cupcake said, uncertainly.
“So what did you do?” I asked Cupcake. I was making an effort to keep it low key.
“I told them that it’s not true, that I’m not a baby and to stop calling me that. But they kept doing it, so then I went and told the teacher,” Cupcake said.
“Well, I think you did a great job asking them to stop! Did the teacher handle it after you told her?”
“Yes, she told them to stop but they didn’t. They just said it quieter,” Cupcake said, her voice quavering just a little.
“Oh honey. I’m sorry they hurt your feelings. You know what they said isn’t true, right? Did you go find someone else to play with after that?” I asked, starting to tear up as I saw Cupcake’s face fall as she recalled the incident.
*big sigh* I know girls have the ability to be mean. I know there are a lot of mental and emotional mind games, rather than the physical-beat-em-up manner of boys. I know…and I don’t like it one bit. Especially not when it’s my little girl involved in these games. I am most upset that my normally confident daughter was so easily swayed into doubting herself based on the word of two other girls she doesn’t even know very well.
Cupcake and I continued talking for awhile about friendship, and how friends treat one another. I also told her again how proud I was of how she handled the situation.
However, I admit my hackles rose when Cupcake first told me about the girls. I immediately wanted to let the Mama Bear in me find out the girls’ names, talk to the teacher and maybe call the mothers’ of these girls! My instinct was to protect my daughter, keep her from being hurt, keep those mean girls away so that sweet Cupcake would remain innocent to the evils of this world!
Pipe dream, right? Instead, I hope The Husband and I are able to teach her diplomacy and kindness…and how her worth does not come from what others say about her. A tall order indeed, but how can we not try?
It never ceases to amaze me how much my heart hurts when I see my child(ren) hurt.
*Sniff*. That even makes ME sad and I’m not even her mama! I’d want to go all mama bear on those girls too. Sigh. It’s going to be tough raising a girl. Not that boys are a piece of cake, but I feel like girls can just be so much more cruel! HUGS to the little lady…and the mama.
Obviously, I’ve blocked out much of my own childhood, because I am astonished by how mean little girls are to each other. A has told us many times about a girl in her class who is A’s BFF one minute, then turns around and tells A she won’t play with her because she’s “different”. And to tell you the truth, every day I see this little girl, I want to smash her smug little smile right through her face. Yep, big time Mama Bear, right here.
I dread taking A to this girl’s birthday party this Saturday…
So sorry Cupcake had a rough day. We had a similar experience last Friday. It is so hard to help children maneuver past the sharks in the water! But what a wise momma you are, having taught her first to voice her own objection, and next to get help from her teacher.
I think one of the things that has surprised me most over the past 20 years is the way that behavior like this has descended through the grades. A lot of the vicious, catty behavior that I used to see in my fifth graders is now more common in my daughter’s 1st grade class. Not saying that kids weren’t mean before—they were—but I don’t remember it being in quite the same way.
That’s why I try to build up my children as much as possible. I know the world will tear them down.