I know I said in my last post that I was going to be blogging about a bunch of various things related to my errand running today…but something happened that has given me pause. I want to write about it here since I’ve been turning it over in my brain.
I ran into an acquaintance the other day. After exchanging greetings and chatting about nothing, she asked me where I am from. Maybe I am overly sensitive to these types of questions, but it bugged me a little. I deflected the question by stating I’d grown up in the Washington DC Metropolitan area. I watched her squirm a little as she tried to figure out her next question, to try and get the information she really wanted. Finally she asked if my parents are of Asian descent. I decided to let her off the hook and told her yes, they had immigrated from Korea.
She was excited and happily went on to tell me that she had just coordinated a wedding for a Korean couple. She wanted to know if I had had a Korean wedding 
ceremony? No, I said, I did not. I told her The Husband and I incorporated a few of the traditional Korean wedding rituals to show respect to my parents and as a nod to my heritage, but did not do the entire she-bang.
My answer did not deter her from asking a few questions about specific things she had observed at this Korean wedding ceremony. She wanted to know if This, That and The Other were common in Korean wedding ceremonies. I did not have the answers for her since the only Korean wedding I’d ever attended was when I was about six years old. I apologetically told her I didn’t know the answer to her questions.
She seemed disappointed and then said, “Oh. You’re not the real thing!”
It was said in a joking, fun manner, but it truly took me aback. I am not usually at a loss for words, but I did not know how to respond to that!
Yes, I knew what she meant. No, I am not a Korean who has lived in Korea and knows all the Korean cultural norms. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to give her the Wikipedia edition of Korean wedding ceremonies and all their nuances. But, I don’t consider myself a twinkie who is completely ignorant of my culture and its customs either.
I don’t believe that my race and heritage define me. It is, however, a part of who I am. To have that called into question, even in jest, unnerved me. I began to wonder if I am not a real Korean, then what am I? And the converse of that led me to ask: am I a fake Korean?
I’m still chewing this one over and trying to determine why it bothers me so.
It’s because if your parents came from Italy, say, you wouldn’t be asked where you are “from.” Maybe what ethnicity are you. But because of the way you look, you are automatically considered not from here. Even if you have only known America.
I totally know what that’s all about. (don’t ask me why)
I get the question ALL THE TIME. (and I’m from NJ)
Because people like things that are different? And exotic, and sexy, and you’re “faux” exotic?
No, you’re not the real thing. Coke is the real thing, and she needs to remember that’s a trademark of the Coca-Cola corporation.
I’ve gotten kind of … anticipatory and advancely apologetic about it. Yes, but no, I don’t speak the language. No, I don’t harvest, dry, and lime my own corn, I use a mix from the grocery store when I make “homemade”.
But look at it this way; if you are a fake Korean, at least you aren’t a cheap knock-off.
Only the best.
I get that question a lot too. I think it’s harder to hear from an acquaintance too. Though saying that you’re not the real thing is very rude.
When I was in college I worked at a fabric store. I followed these 2 older (white) ladies around, asking if they needed help. They looked lost. Well they finally went up to my coworker (white man) and asked for help. He, being every so cheeky, asky why they didn’t ask me for help. “Oh we didn’t know she spoke English”
I feel your pain. I do appreciate those that take the forethought to phrase their questions about my ethnic background in a polite manner. If only everyone asked,”What is your ethnic background?” as opposed to “Where are you from?”
Really, she said “oh you’re not the real thing?” That’s outrageous. Who says that. I hope she was kicking herself all the way home.
I used to get that question a lot. People were always trying to decide if I was Italian, Greek, or Jewish. Apparently there are many similarities. Imagine their confusion with one of my best friends who is all three!
I get that question all the time even from other Asians. I deflect as long as I can b/c I know what’s really being asked. I think I’ve just accepted that I’ll always be questioned even though I was born here. I think people are just naturally curious but the fact that she said you are not the real thing…that’s just rude!
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