Cupcake and I had a rare opportunity to dine out together. Just the two of us, on a weekday. It’s like the planets and stars aligned and the universe gifted us with the time sans boys!
We chose a pizza place that we both like but don’t go to frequently. It was still a little early for the usual lunch rush, the place isn’t very big, and it was fairly empty. So while I was paying and getting our drinks at the soda fountain, I let Cupcake wander around to find us a table. She picked one by the sunny front window, near a tableful of men.
After I got our drinks and napkins and utensils, I sat down with her. Cupcake and I began talking about her morning at preschool, but the men’s loud talking drifted our way. They were using quite a bit of colorful language, and discussing their favorite positions–missionary, doggy, or her-on-top–yes, those positions. One guy was wondering if So-and-So’s wife gives him oral, and what exactly the problem is with anal…etc. You get the drift.
I looked at Cupcake, who has always been rather precocious in her language skills. I wondered when she was going to tune in, and I could only imagine what kinds of questions I would be fielding:
Mommy, how come that man was talking about his girlfriend giving him head if he already has a head?
Why were they talking about doggies?
What does f*ck mean?
On the one hand, I was frustrated because there was no way they could not have seen a little girl and her mother nearby, and, well, it wasn’t the most appropriate public conversation topic. On the other hand, they have a right to be there and talk about what they want, despite who might be around, right?
So I am curious, dear reader(s): how would you have handled this situation…if it needs to be handled? What would you have done, if anything?
I probably would have moved or encouraged Cupcake to look for an alternate table. They were there first. OTOH, if we were sitting down first and they came to sit near us and talked that way, I may have asked them to pipe down. I’ve asked people to watch their language on the playground. But I’m not a shrinking violet or am I eager to please.
Wow, that conversation belongs in the locker room (if that), not public! I would have moved rather than confront them. They were there first, and it was pretty empty. I would have also avoided it because I wouldn’t want to draw any more attention to them. My sons might not have heard, or payed any attention to, what they were saying, but they would ask a lot of questions if I told them to stop. “Mommy, what did those men say?” It wouldn’t have stopped at one question and my answer of “grown up stuff.” If the place was full, I’m not sure what I would have done. I guess I’d say something to them, or hope that the area was too loud in the first place.
That is definitely not appropriate conversation in a public restaurant under ANY circumstances but there really isn’t much you can do about it if they were there first and the employees don’t say anything to them. I would get up and move. BUT, if they were talking so loudly that no matter where you sat you could hear it, I probably would have asked quietly an employee to ask them to keep it down.
I’d have given them the stare down until they realized how insanely inappropriate they were being. If that didn’t work I’d move to a different table in a huff and perhaps, while walking by their table, said something along the lines of “You do know what they say about guys who talk about it …”. (They ain’t getting it!). Of course, I’m pregnant and hormonal so what I would do these days is maybe a bit extream.
And now I want pizza.
I have been in the same predicament. Like you, I wasn’t sure what to do. I keep thinking in my head I should say something. But I didn’t.
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That’s a good question. I’m not sure what I would do. Probably try to ignore it or move.
Good luck with those questions.
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Yikes! What were they thinking? I probably would have glared a few times, and then moved. I guess that they have the right to talk any way that they want, but I feel like people need to know when they cross the line, especially in front of kids.
Oh, no question I would have gone over to their table and politely asked them if they could watch their language around my young child. I’ve done it before. I’ve found that people usually are sheepish and will stop. If they had been belligerent, I would have gotten the manager. I’m not judging these guys for having a jocular conversation but their right to do what they like in public ends at the tip of your nose, or in this case, ears.
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When that happens to me, which is often, I usually smile and bat my eyes a little (cause they’re gross pigs who respond to that) and just say, “Oh guys, I know I’m being such a prude, but would you mind toning it down a little? My daughter has big ears!” and SMILE! They almost always blush or look a little shamefaced and stop.
I’d have asked them to tone down the language at least. That conversation is definitely not appropriate for a public restaurant – especially not at lunch! Now, to be honest, most of the sex talk probably would have gone right over most little kid’s heads, but I’d have asked them to watch the profanity at least. Or, if they looked like they’d get nasty about a request like that, I’d have chosen another table.
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Not appropriate public conversation. Period.
I remember going to see E.T. as a kid, and the teenagers behind us were swearing. My dad didn’t hesitate to turn around and tell them to watch their mouths. The same thing happened when some teens at a McDonald’s were talking too explicitly about sex. It made a huge impression on me that my father would call out strangers on their behavior in front of his children.
I probably would have made up an excuse to find another table- “Oh look, honey, this table is dirty. Can you find us another one (on the other side of the restaurant) that has an (item that only exists on a far-away table)? Constantly we are forced to pick our battles- do we teach our children the true meaning of the language they hear? do we teach older people to remember their audiences? do we hope that such a confrontation ends with the men hanging their heads and not cursing out mommy, or do we dodge and hope for the best? In the end, it’s what we hope to teach and have stick. You had a very limited number of controllable variables. You couldn’t control their responses in front of you and your child, nor what she took away. All you can control is your response to the situation and your responses to her subsequent questions. The same scenario would apply if, God forbid, you were with your children and a mother became abusive in a grocery store- do you intervene or not? at what point does it stop being ‘none of your business’? My guess is all things end at ‘where it affects my child’ at which point you can do something, nothing, or be somewhere in-between, knowing that whatever you do is what your child will take away and that your heartbeat decision has to be made in what eventually will most benefit him or her. Not enviable, but of all people, you’re up to the task.
I would have done two things, I would have moved tables and then I would have asked the men if they bring the volume down some because while I’m all for sex education I would prefer it in a more appropriate environment.
:O What did you do? I just I would have told my kids that they’re using bad language that we should not use, quickly finish eating, and leave.
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